The case of Wiggley Red

“Oh, the patient who was illing,
We most frantically were pilling,”
My good friend the doctor gravely said.
“And the nurses, quite becoming,
To and fro were quickly coming,
With every kind of needle to his bed

“Though I knew the boy was dying,
I would not give up trying,
‘The race goes to the brave,’ is what I’ve read.
So I smartly called a counsel,
Of each doctor, nurse, and consul,
To quite decide the fate of Wiggley Red.

“Dr. Quathy, quite obliging,
Said, ‘A temperature that's rising
Will come down rather quickly if he's bled.’
So we thought the matter over
But, alas we did discover,
The patient had no blood—not blue, not red.

“It was then that nurse Sue Lumfey
Said he'd be so much more comfy
If we gave him a lobotomy instead.
Professor Larkey was over-willing,
And thought the idea rather thrilling,
But no one knew which end was Wiggley's head.

“Then the matter grew chaotic,
When aid Jones and intern Stoddick,
Claimed the boy's name was really Fred.
So we voted on the matter,
And decided on the latter,
Although I surely thought his name was Jed.

“But then with meditation
My mind found revelation;
‘The matter is now solved,’ I gravely said.
Yes, our patient who has the flu,
Must be surely cut in two,
'Cause I know half-a-flu can't kill dear Ned.

“Now, the Wiggleys are doing well;
The're strong, able, and feeling hale.
With much thanks for the work I bravely led.
And they are having twice the fun,
Living nearly as cheap as one,
And I hear by next July they will be wed.