When I began to argue,
He said, “Well, I guess it is best.
If you go down to the hospital
Where they can do a test.”

They put me in a ‘cat scan,’
and spun it ‘round and ‘round.
I never saw a kitten,
But I heard its purring sound.

They fed me chalk and X-rayed
All of my insides.
They poked my arm and took my blood
And other things besides.

They never found an answer
‘Though they labored all the day.
“You’ll have to ask the doctor,”
Was all that they would say.

But the doctor was on vacation,
And retired at his returned.
And dead or alive, I’ve got a bill
That’s more than I’ll ever earn.

©R. Bartly Betts, 2001